Kids on the spectrum do not imitate others. I was told this by a doctor, and I think it is true from my observation too. Although, I did see their ability to imitate increase, as structure was introduced. My children are high functioning, so I am not certain about the lower functioning kids on the spectrum if they are able to overcome this. The lack of ability to imitate affects a lot of different areas. It affects communication, social skills, following instructions, play skills, interaction with others or relationships, learning in a group setting, like watching and following a teacher in a classroom, learning concepts that require them to imitate a person, understanding safety or community rules, and many aspects of their life.
I want to put a t - shirt on my boys sometimes that says, "I am socially impaired...what's your excuse?" because they do so many socially unacceptable things and people are not kind in the least bit, even the ones that KNOW they are Autistic yet don't understand the nature of the disorder and still expect them to have a full understanding of those social rules.
As a parent, of course, I know those rules and I probably have taught them or told them thousands of times but the fact of the matter is it takes them longer to understand those social rules. I am constantly "hearing" comments from others about how I need to correct my children (usually it stems from something they saw my autistic son do). I just love how they assume I am a bad parent and totally have not tried all these years to teach them those basic fundamental things. In the end, I end up laughing because it is their ignorance of the situation. I am amazed they feel they have the right to talk to me so rudely, so that is why I say, "what is their excuse?" I don't think it is socially acceptable to be in the habit of telling others how to parent, as if you are a better parent than the rest of the world. I mean no one is perfect, right?
I definitely have become to be more forgiving of a parent as I see her/him struggling publicly with their child and consider there may be factors there that others don't know about and truly that parent might being doing their best. Currently, I try to think the best about everyone before jumping to assumptions. I can't say I was in that mentality before I had children, but I have definitely done a turn around. I specifically remember one incident. I was single and went grocery shopping. I saw a young mother struggling with a four year old who was throwing a tantrum about something and my first inclination or thought was "gee, woman, get control of your child". Now, I just absolutely cringe that I had that thought. I didn't know the first thing about parenting. I was single and not even married yet, nor children of my own. I have learned a lot since that moment in time and I regret to say I misjudged that lady. I think it is human nature to take only your own viewpoint and experiences to look at a situation to judge what should be done. I rarely see a person consider that they are limited in their knowledge and experiences when coming to a conclusion of any nature.
After all this reflecting, I can say that at present, if someone rudely said something to me, then it might hurt my feelings for a little while but in the end, I try to remember that people are people and just move on in my thoughts to forgive their ignorance because there is no way they can know my situation entirely. If I think about it long enough, then I will realize I might have done the same human error of jumping to conclusions in my thoughts or misspeaking, if I were them. It is also the reason I don't weigh so much on what people simply say because they are only sharing their opinions or their limited knowledge. I have even been exposed to experts and professionals misspeaking, so I don't limit it on just certain people. From time to time, we are all guilty of misspeaking, or speaking without thinking about it. My mother-n-law, she told me once that it would be more charitable to not inform the person who misspoke then to lash out because they would probably go home feeling very badly having treated someone so unkind that day. You would feel better too, not having stooped to their lower level of thinking. She is a wise woman. I am thankful for that advice. It has helped me. It might not change my experiences in the world, but it does change how I react to it.
