I feel like I live in the land of "perfectionists". They see things in black or white, no middle ground...no grey areas. Now, I admit, when I am EXTREMELY stressed, that I will start thinking and dwelling on my mistakes a little too much, but it is NOT the norm for me. The "little" men in my life, however, they are a different story. They want their little worlds, you know, like "perfect" and forbid, if Mom goes and screws up the plan! I am sure they are constantly thinking : Doesn't Mom know that I like to eat meals at certain time? or that I like my toys a certain way? or my meals cooked in a particular fashion? or even that she must read my mind? You see their language is not like other kids and they are have a hard time making their needs known so those needs naturally don't always get met and that just really ticks them off, so they have their little fussy fits. I have seen that the behavior decreases in time as the language improves, but toddler hood (developmentally) was not a fun time for Mom. It was a guessing game what they needed or wanted. As a mother, I feel like I can't ever "get it right" for them because they are entirely way too unhappy all the time. Mom is NOT ALLOWED to make mistakes or it is like a "bomb" went off at our house. When the environment is stressful, then it is like a domino reaction having a multiplicity of children too much a like....and of course, Mom somehow always gets the blame, you know.
With that being said, my older boy, he has progressed so much that this is no longer true for him, but, yes, when he was younger I went through a lot with him. He is finally at a point where we can talk and he has reasoning skills, so we can talk things out. It helps to tell him about things before they happen. Right now, he is in another stage. Oh, he is still a perfectionist. He is just really hard on himself because he wants to be like other kids and feels like he can never "get it right" and he does not want Mom's help any longer. He works extra hard thinking that is all it takes to get it right, but at the same time he is unrealistic and makes unattainable goals for himself. We are having talks about how he has to make choices and can't possibly do it all, so that he won't put too much stress on himself. Once in a while, I will say, when he acknowledges his mistakes, that "congratulations, he joined the rest of the world, us imperfect souls, that are trying to do our best". I remind him that no one is perfect. We are not like God, yet....that we are only practicing, but we won't ever get it 100% right here on earth.
I try to compare the analogy, that we are just trying to finish the race, that our focus should not be that we win the race.....because everyone that crosses the line has succeeded.
