P.E.C. 's

When my oldest was in a private preschool, we were introduced to not only an intensive language program through discrete trials using the A.B.A. (applied behavior analysis) method, but also, a visual communication effort called Picture Exchange System.  You can buy online these days a computer software program that offers, literally, hundreds of little icon pictures that mean different things to indicate what you are communicating.  Usually, you would download it, run it, select those icons and use your home printer and some people laminate them for protection.  I was able to find free downloads of the internet, so I never bought the software.  We were fortunate that after a few years, we didn't need the P.E.C.'s (for short) anymore, that we could communicate what we expect verbally.  However, there are families that may need to use them longer.  I saw success when the schools used these P.E.C's as visual prompts in their daily routine.  I tried a similar thing too.  I put these P.E.C's around the house for chore charts and schedules.  My kids didn't really look at that sheet, despite I pointed it out every morning but I ended up putting them in a binder and if I could see they didn't understand my verbage, then I would pull it out and point to the icon that we both knew meant what I was indicating.  Many have had success with the Picture Exchange System.  I highly recommend it.  The more visual aids and visual tools you can add to their education the better.  They are such visual learners.  It is their strength. 

Pronouns

Before children understand proper grammar in our culture and language, they will make common mistakes. Typically, you might hear a toddler say "me" instead of "I", in a sentence like " me want juice". Between infancy and toddlerhood, a cognitive change takes place where they see themselves in infancy as one being or rather an appendage to their mother or primary caregiver and a transformation happens where they emerge into viewing themselves as a separate entity and begin to use the "I" pronoun in their sentences. Most teachers have noticed that autistic kids mix up their pronouns.

For autistic kids, I believe two things are happening. First, they stay in that infancy developmental stage a tad bit longer delaying their cognitive ability to see themselves as a separate entity. At the same time, they form an atypical attachment to their mother and/or caregiver. Normally, one might think that would actually make it easier to do so. Secondly, the audio processing center in their minds are functioning differently, so they learn differently and language is not received in the same way as others. They are creatively wired you could say. I believe that bridge is crossed differently in their mind, but that it is not impossible for them to merge on the same path at a later point  having gone in a different direction. It is just achieved differently.

In my own children, I have experienced a variety of different things during this developmental task. My oldest child, he was delayed but he went through typical stages. About age three, I started seeing typical attachment behaviors. My next child, he hovered in this stage far longer than I ever hoped, desired , nor dreamed and I am also seeing attachment issues, so that must play a role too. My youngest child, now being tested, he reminds me a lot of my oldest child in this stage but only milder. I have no doubt he is attached because he shows typical behaviors, and he progressed through this stage much faster.

 I am not a scientist, but this is what I have observed.  Years ago, I did read some research supporting my theory,  but it just my thoughts...at present. My spiritual inclination is that they are so attached to their Heavenly Creator, that even after birth to their earthly parents, it is hard to detach that connection that is strong,  and it somewhat interrupts their ability with engaging their new earthly parents. They do form a connection and appreciation to their earthly parents, but they form an atypical attachment too. It must be hard to temporarily be forced to forget that Heavenly place their spirits derived. 

Squishy Time

Once my boys were to big to be "burrito wrapped", we came up with other occupational therapy we could do at home. My son now calls it squishy time. I start out with the brushing technique, next the Joint compression method, and finally a massage with baby oil or lotion. My boys just CRAVE it. It helps to calm them when they are hyper and sometimes overstimulated. I got these ideas and demonstrations from a therapist. We would drive twice a week to a therapist that was 45 minutes away for a very short session. I watched and learned. Plus, my health insurance only covered so many visits. When the visits ended, I felt confident enough to do it from home. We saved time and money too, not to mention my sanity! Years later, we can read our kids better. Currently, I have one child that gets these laughing fits right before his meltdowns, so we know it is time. It is much better to catch him at this stage than when he is tantrum-ing. Brushing technique & joint compression method: click here This link has some great info on autism too.

Switching Hats

Once the kids were diagnosed, I had to take some additional training, so I would know how to deal with their special needs.  At home, I feel I play several roles.  I switch hats!  Sometimes, I am a their teacher and sometimes I am their therapist, but I am ALWAYS their mom.  It was hard to bounce back n forth between the roles in the beginning, but I have now finally found my rhythm.  If all else fails, then I will separate the roles so they know clearly that I am Mom.  For example, I try to teach them at home, but if they are not willing to cooperate with my teaching method, then I will find a private tutor for that subject for a time.  Each of my children, they are different in their learning.  I can say that one child, he will sit down with me and is willing to be taught.  He is my work book kind of kid.  He would be very easy to home school, but since I feel he needs socialization I send him to school.  I am very selective about school placement.  I wish I could say all my kids are willing to be taught at home, but that is not the case.  I have one kid particular that will not work for me no matter what I try.  He is best taught at the school.  In his mind, I am not the teacher.  I stopped fighting that years ago and accepted it.  In the long run, I would rather be Mom anyway to him.....being Mom is much more fun!  Teachers can't hug these days.  I can.  Teachers are stuck with conventional methods and I am not.  I can teach even when they don't realize I am doing so.  We can take field trips whenever we want or go outside the "box".  I am finding my role as mother much more fulfilling. 

A.B.A.

There are many in the autistic community that are excited about and actually rant and rave about A.B.A. which is an acronym for Applied Behavior Analysis.  It is a behavioral intervention that helps give children the ability to learn through discrete trials and motivation.  We lived in California when we were introduced to this type of therapy.  It has had a high success rate with children on the spectrum, so they have created schools that are solely based on this strategy.  We were blessed that my oldest was placed in a private school with partial public funding based on this therapy.  He was only 2.5 years old when diagnosed and enrolled into this school.  I admit it was hard for me emotionally to let go of him this early and not keep him at home.  However,  I believed with my whole heart, he needed it.  It was located an hour from my house, so I had commute back n forth.    It turns out, it was just what he needed.  He was a fast learner, and in six months, he was more or less graduated from that program.  At that point in time, he was moved to a cluster unit of high functioning autistic kids for preschool age.  This new school, it had some ABA based things, but it also provided alternative approaches to teaching.  When my oldest was diagnosed, he was considered pretty moderate on that spectrum, so it was a privilege to have him join the high functioning kids.  He did super in that classroom too.  By kinder garden he was mainstreamed.  He started out with needing a teacher's aide in the classroom to help him adjust, but he was slowly "weaned off" that need.  I want to say it was second grade, that he truly didn't really need much help in the classroom, but he still need sensory integration breaks because he would sometimes get overstimulated.  I was trained on ABA myself at home, and I was really GUNG-HO on this type of strategy.  I really know a lot about it.  It was exciting to have something really working for us.  I also studied child development and psychology in college, so I already had a knowledge base for it. 

And then....my second child, he was diagnosed about six months later, now they said he was borderline and honestly didn't know if at 18 months old, he showed enough on the testing to determine if he was on the spectrum, but he had enough delays to get early intervention for him too.  I opted a program that was home based for him for the next year and a half where tutors came and went all day long in working with him while my oldest went to a public school just down the street, in walking distance.  They were half day programs, but since my younger one was so infant like they considered the nap he needed in that schedule and that is why it took part of the morning and part of the afternoon.  I liked most of the tutors but it was a bit obtrusive to have someone always in my home.  It was also A.B.A. based program.  By the time, my younger one was 3 years old,  I was not happy with having it based at home, and we had determined that A.B.A. method was REALLY not working for him, like it has his older brother.  I was VERY pleased with the preschool that his older brother was attending down the street, so we got him enrolled there.  I think it was mostly a LoVaas method focus called T.E.A.A.C.H mixed with four other strategies.  He responded a lot better to this new program.  We were thankful that the other alternatives was partially working for him. 

My concluding thought about why A.B.A. did not work for him and did for the other one was based on one very important fact, the A.B.A. assumes the kids have the capacity to understand cause and effect.  They have to be able to develop some reasoning skills appropriate for a toddler.....and well, I mean toddlers don't have much reasoning skills, but they do start to emerge into that phase as they understand language that there are opposites.  Unfortunately, my younger one took a much longer time to understand cause and effect. 

We had to start from scratch with my second child, he just learned differently and his personality was in many ways not the same as his brother.  It became REALLY complicated as  parents to understand those differences, meet their individual needs, and handle it all.  They couldn't be more different in many ways.  We did our best.  It was neat for a spell when they were in the same preschool class before my eldest started kinder garden.  They were so close in age, that in some ways it made things easier and in some ways complicated it too. 

When did they talk?

In my experience, they start talking in their first year....and well, something happens in the second year where they either regress or just plan stop for a time. At some point, we hear language again by school age.  I believe they are still absorbing information and learning language but are not able to express it like other kids.  My oldest, he had baby language the first year and then in the second year nothing.  After he started speech therapy, about six months later, we started to hear it again.  He was three year old at that time.  It was limited speech.  At age five years old, he just bloomed in language.

Now, his younger brother, who is only sixteen months younger, he is also on the spectrum.  Our experience with him was very different.  He had typical language in the first year and regressed the second year.  The doctors have told us he is considered non-verbal.  His language was scrip-tic or what the therapists taught him.  By age seven years old, he was still not really talking in a functional every day kind a of way...it was still scrip-tic.  We needed a way to talk to him, so we taught him how to simply say Yes or No to questions.  Later, we would give him choices, like apples or bananas and he would answer one of those to indicate his needs, wants and/or preferences.  He seem to be able to handle those one word answers.  We continued to build on that strategy.  Three years later, he is trying speech out with us.  He will now say three word sentences on a regular basis.  We went through a spell of requiring him to say " I want " before everything he was requesting.  The school invited Junior Achievement to their classrooms last year and did a wonderful job in teaching the kids the difference between wants and needs.  We were already discussing it somewhat at home too.  So, I when the kids asked for something I would simply ask them first, is that a want or a need?  In his case, if it was a need, then I would say what I needed him to say, which was: Ask Momma, "I need" in front of that sentence, so he would repeat the request with I need such and such instead.  Now, we had two kind of sentences from him.  =)  He picked up on that real quick and it taught him also the differences between wants and needs.  I think kids need to know that.....  Every now and then, I will hear his attempts to speak and when he does, it comes out unclear.  We have to be extremely patient, not correcting him when listening.  It sounds like "scrambled eggs" like the grammar is off.  It reminds me of the Spanish language exactly,  but with English words.  They would say in their language, "you I love" instead of the way we say it, "I love you" and that is just an example.  Sometimes, I can filter what he is saying and other times I am not able too.  I am just happy he is trying to express his thoughts because I know it is hard for him.  When he is in this mode, I just let it happen and don't try to correct him because he gets all flustered.  Every once in a blue moon, we do hear good speech from him like he is really connecting that day.  It's interesting too, he will not use baby words but big words for his age group, like he is picking up language all these years in his learning despite his obvious delays in speech.  It's not baby talk.    I have had well meaning relatives say, "what do you mean that he does not talk?  I hear him speak all the time".  They don't understand the doctors definition of talking, that he is considered non-verbal. 

My  youngest one is at kinder garden age now.  I have to say that his speech has not been unusual.  He has followed the typical pattern of kids that talk, but he is just delayed for his age group.  Just behind.   The biggest difference between my youngest and my two oldest would be body language. 

Body language is often something autistic kids don't really SEE .  They aren't able to see the social implications or the unspoken that other kids do.  They aren't reading body language and they aren't able to express their language through gesturing either.  Often times, I had to state the obvious with them, which felt rather rude as a mother to do so.  However, they just didn't see it.  So, I had to point it out.  I always tried to do so in a kind way because I really don't like myself when others assume you don't "know" something and point out of the obvious.  Rather, my oldest, he would listen for your voice inflection to consider how you feel because he could not read nor understand my face expressions.  I do think they "sense" when things are off, like their routines, but they typically would not be able to see the obvious emotional undertones that people do have.  I noticed my youngest one does see the body language, so either he is an exception to most kids on the spectrum or his issues are different.  He is still being tested at this time.  Out of the three, he is the only one that seems to be able to see body language and when his language was limited he used lots of gesturing to make his needs known.  

I am making some general statements here and can't speak for all autistic kids, but this is what I have generally observed.  

Manners

When my kids were diagnosed, they were toddlers.  They were already delayed in language.   I knew that they would not always understand why I was teaching them certain things.  I do know mothers who would say, "oh, they don't understand, so why bother teaching it?"  Well, I would respond because if it is important to you or something as a mother you strongly feel they should know, then by all means....you still should teach it.  Don't give up before you have even tried.  I decided I would teach all my children, including the autistic boys that a certain manner of speech was expected from them since they were learning language at that time.  I figured if they heard it from us from day one in conversation that it would just come natural to them down the road.  I was aware as I taught them that they would not really understand the social implications.  I taught them anyway.

So, at home, when I asked them to do something for me, I demonstrated what I was teaching, so I would say the request followed up with please at the end.  I would say thank you after they finished the request. I set the example.   Before my boys were able to respond appropriately, I did a lot of role playing.  With my eldest, we actually used Popsicle sticks and glued a person's picture at the top of it.  We would follow a script.  I would have a picture of him on one of them and a picture of myself on the other one.  At first, he would just look at the sticks and follow the dialog and not really respond.  He just observed.  Later, he reached a point, where we could pause and he would say what was expected of him.  I always slipped the please and thank yous, in there, of course.  Eventually, after they had learned language enough to use it in a functional everyday kind of way, then I started expecting them to use "May I" when asking for things and follow up with "please" and they also had to say "thank you" when receiving it.  If they refused, then they didn't get what they asked for from me until it was said.  They learned real quick that Mom says yes most the time when asked in that certain way. 

I went through this again, when adopting one of my girls.  When she came to us, she didn't have those manners and I have always felt it is important, so I taught her too.  She was quick to use these teachings in the exception of telling people "thank you".  It got to be a sore struggle with her, so I added on a little emphasis in her teachings to teach this by giving her a gift and if she didn't say thank you, then I would take it back till she was willing to say it and explained to her that we show gratitude for what we get by simply saying it.  She made me laugh when she asked sweetly, "well, what if we don't like the gift?"  I said, "well, we still say thank you because it is the thought that counts..." It was the only real issue I ever had, and I felt it was one of the easiest things that I accomplished.  (well, in comparison to the other things we had to accomplish)  

Picture this:  Several years later, we are as a family at a restaurant, an open buffet, and I was giving my older kids a little freedom, not babying them, and letting them serve themselves.  I was hoping they would remember the manners I taught them and I stood back to observe.  I understand my autistic boys limitations, but however, people in public are not always so kind.  It was hard enough for them to just wait in line for food, so I knew that would challenge them mentally and also to remember their manners.  I was pleasantly surprised as my oldest was standing behind an elderly lady who was naturally slow (and I could see he was growing impatient so I started to scoot closer in case I needed to intervene and teach, again.....however, I wanted to give him the opportunity too, so I continued to observe) that in that moment he kindly, sweetly, using his manners, asked the lady, if she would get him the fruit, please!  She responded in a smile and said, "well, certainly" and she did so.  He thanked her and was on his merrily little way.  It was a golden moment for me.  The lady looked at me after he departed and said, "what a wonderful young man he is.  you have taught him well".  Whew, it was a relief.   I was happy that despite he was not able to be patient enough, he at least achieved his means by using his manners.   I smiled and said, "thanks" and walked away.  You never know what your kids understand in their teachings until pay days like that one!!  I was also thankful she didn't judge him harshly and was able to see that he was trying...his best!