One of my auties, he really struggles with seeing the social clues, body language, and the unspoken rules. Despite, that we have reviewed the rules constantly, he still does not understand it.
He likes to touch everything in the environment so it because an issue at times when he is touching someone's stuff or does not ask before using things. When he was younger, people were a lot more forgiving and understanding, but now, that he is 11 years old, it is another story.
Most toddlers, they see a person's emotional limitations by a facial expression. However, he does not see it and he is the type of person to just keep pushing those "emotional" buttons. My biggest concern is the consequences that might naturally happen to him because he has not learned this yet. I literally have to put a physical or tangible boundary between us when he is in this mode because he takes it too far and I really don't want to lash out at him. It would be a natural reaction for us humans to either run or fight back, the flight/fight defense mechanism that we all do have. Since I can't always run away, I realize I need space to gain my composure. He is way too "big" for me to give him a time out like you do younger kids. At times, he will not stay in his room. I am thankful he likes to play outdoors a lot, so I ask him to use the restroom and go play outdoors for a while. I just redirect him in a sense and give him a healthy way to get out of my hair and let me settle down so I can be a better mom. He gets to get all his extra energy out. By the time, that he returns, I feel better and he has forgotten whatever he was upset about in the first place. However, my fear, is that someday, as he gets older that older kids will get physically aggressive with him when he is in this mode. It is hard for anyone to tolerate his tendency to keep demanding what he wants. He will seriously make you miserable until he gets what he wants. Thing is: I am stubborn. I have learned that autistic kids need to learn that is NOT the way to get your needs met, so I do not encourage that behavior. So, I don't give him anything until he is asking in the appropriate way. By asking, I do mean not literally that he is asking, but that his approach is more acceptable or what society would expect from him. It is much harder for kids to deal with social conflicts than adults. Adults have learned strategies to avoid conflict.
Our biggest challenge is getting him to understand safety rules and keeping him safe on a community level. The stranger danger stuff just seems to go through one ear and out the other. We are starting to wonder if he has attachment issues because he is very defiant at times and non compliant. He just does not understand the importance of obedience and following rules to keep you safe. Most kids know their parents love them and are trying to do what is best for them. He is reacting towards all his caregivers negatively when they try to teach him or give him a consequence when it is needed. It has been a real struggle.
My other two boys, who are also on the spectrum, they do not have these issues. I think they were just delayed in learning it. In my mind, it is better late than never.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Lovin' It
My husband reminded me something....my oldest child, my first autie, he was about three or four years old....and he really loved McDonalds. In the placed we lived, all the major roads went past one. Soon, I had to go out of the normal routes, to find roads where one could not be found to my destinations because every time he saw one he had a full explosive meltdown if we didn't stop there. Seriously! We didn't have the money to stop every time he wanted.
In this time frame, we went on vacation. We were driving in the middle of a desert for pete's sake and we hear him hum the television slogan for mickey dees "bah, bah, bum, bum, bum....I am lovin it! and we were like, "what?" because normally he does not do that unless he has seen the advertising, the restaurant itself, or a tv commerical. We knew the melt down was coming because there was NO WAY in the middle of a desert we could fulfill that request!!! Several minutes later, a semi truck passes by us and we see it is a Mcdonalds supply truck....UGH....are you kidding me?
We got lucky, he didn't make an issue out of it, but normally he would have. I mean that would have been five hundred miles of sure torture for us parents. Trust me, he would have tantrum-ed that long. And no, I am not exaggerating. I wish!
In this time frame, we went on vacation. We were driving in the middle of a desert for pete's sake and we hear him hum the television slogan for mickey dees "bah, bah, bum, bum, bum....I am lovin it! and we were like, "what?" because normally he does not do that unless he has seen the advertising, the restaurant itself, or a tv commerical. We knew the melt down was coming because there was NO WAY in the middle of a desert we could fulfill that request!!! Several minutes later, a semi truck passes by us and we see it is a Mcdonalds supply truck....UGH....are you kidding me?
We got lucky, he didn't make an issue out of it, but normally he would have. I mean that would have been five hundred miles of sure torture for us parents. Trust me, he would have tantrum-ed that long. And no, I am not exaggerating. I wish!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Short & Sweet
All my auties, now they have been trained at school, they are gaining grounds with receiving some instruction from others and following through with directions. Some days are better than others. However, the one success that we have had, in remembering they have struggles with audio processing, is that when we are talking to them, we make it short and sweet, to the point. They process only a few words then why waste your breath? You may end up repeating the instruction if your sentence is too long for them to process. So, make it short and sweet.
For example: hand them a work book page, then say: "write letter" and that is usually easier to understand than if you say, "okay, son, it is time for you to write your letters".....he only heard probably three words out of that later sentence and it might not be the three words you wanted him to hear and he is left in confusion.....so for me, I might say, "write letter, please" because I like to teach my kids manners whenever I request things so I always say please....it teaches three things: a) language, b) manners, and c) writing skills and reviewing letters, in this case. Aren't I sneaky? They are copy cats and follow our language scripts after all, so I have to role model what I want them to say in the long run.
For example: hand them a work book page, then say: "write letter" and that is usually easier to understand than if you say, "okay, son, it is time for you to write your letters".....he only heard probably three words out of that later sentence and it might not be the three words you wanted him to hear and he is left in confusion.....so for me, I might say, "write letter, please" because I like to teach my kids manners whenever I request things so I always say please....it teaches three things: a) language, b) manners, and c) writing skills and reviewing letters, in this case. Aren't I sneaky? They are copy cats and follow our language scripts after all, so I have to role model what I want them to say in the long run.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
the Perfectionists
I feel like I live in the land of "perfectionists". They see things in black or white, no middle ground...no grey areas. Now, I admit, when I am EXTREMELY stressed, that I will start thinking and dwelling on my mistakes a little too much, but it is NOT the norm for me. The "little" men in my life, however, they are a different story. They want their little worlds, you know, like "perfect" and forbid, if Mom goes and screws up the plan! I am sure they are constantly thinking : Doesn't Mom know that I like to eat meals at certain time? or that I like my toys a certain way? or my meals cooked in a particular fashion? or even that she must read my mind? You see their language is not like other kids and they are have a hard time making their needs known so those needs naturally don't always get met and that just really ticks them off, so they have their little fussy fits. I have seen that the behavior decreases in time as the language improves, but toddler hood (developmentally) was not a fun time for Mom. It was a guessing game what they needed or wanted. As a mother, I feel like I can't ever "get it right" for them because they are entirely way too unhappy all the time. Mom is NOT ALLOWED to make mistakes or it is like a "bomb" went off at our house. When the environment is stressful, then it is like a domino reaction having a multiplicity of children too much a like....and of course, Mom somehow always gets the blame, you know.
With that being said, my older boy, he has progressed so much that this is no longer true for him, but, yes, when he was younger I went through a lot with him. He is finally at a point where we can talk and he has reasoning skills, so we can talk things out. It helps to tell him about things before they happen. Right now, he is in another stage. Oh, he is still a perfectionist. He is just really hard on himself because he wants to be like other kids and feels like he can never "get it right" and he does not want Mom's help any longer. He works extra hard thinking that is all it takes to get it right, but at the same time he is unrealistic and makes unattainable goals for himself. We are having talks about how he has to make choices and can't possibly do it all, so that he won't put too much stress on himself. Once in a while, I will say, when he acknowledges his mistakes, that "congratulations, he joined the rest of the world, us imperfect souls, that are trying to do our best". I remind him that no one is perfect. We are not like God, yet....that we are only practicing, but we won't ever get it 100% right here on earth.
I try to compare the analogy, that we are just trying to finish the race, that our focus should not be that we win the race.....because everyone that crosses the line has succeeded.
With that being said, my older boy, he has progressed so much that this is no longer true for him, but, yes, when he was younger I went through a lot with him. He is finally at a point where we can talk and he has reasoning skills, so we can talk things out. It helps to tell him about things before they happen. Right now, he is in another stage. Oh, he is still a perfectionist. He is just really hard on himself because he wants to be like other kids and feels like he can never "get it right" and he does not want Mom's help any longer. He works extra hard thinking that is all it takes to get it right, but at the same time he is unrealistic and makes unattainable goals for himself. We are having talks about how he has to make choices and can't possibly do it all, so that he won't put too much stress on himself. Once in a while, I will say, when he acknowledges his mistakes, that "congratulations, he joined the rest of the world, us imperfect souls, that are trying to do our best". I remind him that no one is perfect. We are not like God, yet....that we are only practicing, but we won't ever get it 100% right here on earth.
I try to compare the analogy, that we are just trying to finish the race, that our focus should not be that we win the race.....because everyone that crosses the line has succeeded.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
GF Banana Cupcakes
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Traveling Tips
If you must travel, then here are some things to think about: try to create an atmosphere of familiarity throughout the trip and be consistent, so they know what to expect when you take trips away from home.
1. Explain a little bit before hand what will occur -- we relieved a lot of anxiety from my oldest son by giving him "notice" before changes, even if temporary ones, that this is what is going to happen.... it made him feel better to "know" ahead of time. It really is just "controlling your environment" issues and it was really simple to explain .. and that is just a rule of thumb now for him.
2. Eat at familiar restaurants -- I remember taking a road trip with my son once ... one of our first family road trips, and he would not eat AT ALL unless, it was familiar setting. STRESSFUL.
He absolutely refused to eat food and fussed because he was hungry the whole time. So, we started thinking about what places we generally go to near home and decided to find them places on our pit stops. He would not eat once we got to our destination at their grandparents house either, so we had to eat at that familiar place ALL the time. That was costly! In the end, we learned that to keep peace and sanity and overall address a little boy's "eating" needs, we had to cut our visit at their grandparents short because he was not sleeping or eating well. We were worried about him at that point and decided we would not stay as long as intended and just head back home, but we were happy to see grandparents for a couple of days.
3. Take day trips near your home and stay over "one" night at same motel/ hotel BEFORE you take any big trips and use those same motels/hotels during the travels at a later point. It was like training them to sleep outside of our house and getting familiar with a motel/hotel so it would be familiar enough when we did travel and slept at that same motel/hotel....because they tend to look all alike anywhere you go! We just knew after that point, we would not stay at other's homes often and would have to spend the money on familiar hotels, if we planned to travel. Costly child! I know someone might argue that just going to grandma's house "often" enough would create that familiarity, but if you only are able to go once every five years or so, then that is not likely...and motels and hotels are a better guarantee.
4. Stick to their comforts! You know your child and traveling is not a time to experiment "new" things, so stick to those things that bring your child comfort. Bring their favorite toys, foods, etc.... for the road trip because they are usually more strongly attached to their "things" at home than they are at the people involved, sadly, enough, it is a lot like dealing with a child with attachment disorder issues. They will cling to their stuff. For my son, it might have been his favorite yellow shirt, even if it is out of season, but he finds comfort that it is where he can see it, just like at home.
5. I have had to learn the hard way, that there is no place like home....and you have to take the same security measures you do at home, anywhere else, so bring those things that help you keep your child safe....like a door chimer. One of our sons, when he is in unfamiliar territory likes to explore, but he won't tell you and just takes off to do it, so at home, we had to put chimer's on our doors to know if he was trying to leave......it is usually just a sticker, so you can use it on your hotel doors too and take it off when you are ready to leave. It will give you peace of mind, if you just make those adjustments. You might want to set it on a lower setting so you don't scare the whole "floor" tho.....lol
6. Plan out smaller trips until you figure out how to manage your kid on trips and build on that for future longer trips. I found that now my autie kids are older, that the trip in the car is nothing...it really is ONCE we actually get there and we are trying to live out of a suitcase for a short time. They have such low adaptation skills, that doing the smaller trips really help them adapt to the travel concept long before you attempt anything major.
We don't travel often because it is costly for us to stay in hotels and eat out all the time at familiar places, which we found was best for them, but also expensive. We take LOTS of day trips and someday we hope to take another "BIG" trip. I love to travel, so it has been a huge bummer to not be able to travel much....but in the end, we only travel if we have the money to so and feel we can keep our kids safe during the time away from home.
1. Explain a little bit before hand what will occur -- we relieved a lot of anxiety from my oldest son by giving him "notice" before changes, even if temporary ones, that this is what is going to happen.... it made him feel better to "know" ahead of time. It really is just "controlling your environment" issues and it was really simple to explain .. and that is just a rule of thumb now for him.
2. Eat at familiar restaurants -- I remember taking a road trip with my son once ... one of our first family road trips, and he would not eat AT ALL unless, it was familiar setting. STRESSFUL.
He absolutely refused to eat food and fussed because he was hungry the whole time. So, we started thinking about what places we generally go to near home and decided to find them places on our pit stops. He would not eat once we got to our destination at their grandparents house either, so we had to eat at that familiar place ALL the time. That was costly! In the end, we learned that to keep peace and sanity and overall address a little boy's "eating" needs, we had to cut our visit at their grandparents short because he was not sleeping or eating well. We were worried about him at that point and decided we would not stay as long as intended and just head back home, but we were happy to see grandparents for a couple of days.
3. Take day trips near your home and stay over "one" night at same motel/ hotel BEFORE you take any big trips and use those same motels/hotels during the travels at a later point. It was like training them to sleep outside of our house and getting familiar with a motel/hotel so it would be familiar enough when we did travel and slept at that same motel/hotel....because they tend to look all alike anywhere you go! We just knew after that point, we would not stay at other's homes often and would have to spend the money on familiar hotels, if we planned to travel. Costly child! I know someone might argue that just going to grandma's house "often" enough would create that familiarity, but if you only are able to go once every five years or so, then that is not likely...and motels and hotels are a better guarantee.
4. Stick to their comforts! You know your child and traveling is not a time to experiment "new" things, so stick to those things that bring your child comfort. Bring their favorite toys, foods, etc.... for the road trip because they are usually more strongly attached to their "things" at home than they are at the people involved, sadly, enough, it is a lot like dealing with a child with attachment disorder issues. They will cling to their stuff. For my son, it might have been his favorite yellow shirt, even if it is out of season, but he finds comfort that it is where he can see it, just like at home.
5. I have had to learn the hard way, that there is no place like home....and you have to take the same security measures you do at home, anywhere else, so bring those things that help you keep your child safe....like a door chimer. One of our sons, when he is in unfamiliar territory likes to explore, but he won't tell you and just takes off to do it, so at home, we had to put chimer's on our doors to know if he was trying to leave......it is usually just a sticker, so you can use it on your hotel doors too and take it off when you are ready to leave. It will give you peace of mind, if you just make those adjustments. You might want to set it on a lower setting so you don't scare the whole "floor" tho.....lol
6. Plan out smaller trips until you figure out how to manage your kid on trips and build on that for future longer trips. I found that now my autie kids are older, that the trip in the car is nothing...it really is ONCE we actually get there and we are trying to live out of a suitcase for a short time. They have such low adaptation skills, that doing the smaller trips really help them adapt to the travel concept long before you attempt anything major.
We don't travel often because it is costly for us to stay in hotels and eat out all the time at familiar places, which we found was best for them, but also expensive. We take LOTS of day trips and someday we hope to take another "BIG" trip. I love to travel, so it has been a huge bummer to not be able to travel much....but in the end, we only travel if we have the money to so and feel we can keep our kids safe during the time away from home.
Monday, December 12, 2011
GFCF
When my oldest two children, both boys, like before they were diagnosed, when I started seeing "indications" of the autism, but I didn't have a "label" for it.....I was asked about dietary stuff
A L O T ...and so we did try different avenues to see if they had allergies. I had a good friend send me a book on lactose intolerance....and learned through reading that book, that I have it! LOL so, I did notice that the boys around age one, or their first birthday, after we introduced whole milk had some additional problems, so I started researching foods rich in calcium to add to our diet and we did soy milk for a season. I did notice that the autistic like traits were more pronounced when they had too much lactose in their system, so we did benefit from this new diet. My oldest, Grant, we noticed that after we discontinued milk, he started looking at us again, interacting with his brother a little more, and he stopped banging his head on the wall and having these episodes where he would go "white and clammy" and stiffen up all over....weird! He loves ice cream like the next kid, so we take the alternative of frozen yogurt. He does not know the difference. We had to find pizza with hard cheeses on it, instead of soft cheeses....for those times he craved to be like other kids and eat normal like foods. Now, my next child, he had like bronchitis and asthma issues constantly until we took it out of his diet...and it magically cleared up....and has not returned. Interesting! We permanently changed our eating habits after this discovery.
I did try a gluten free diet on them when they were younger or what they call casein free diet. I never saw any improvements. Gluten is very hard to avoid, so we had to be on this strict diet for months to see any real affect. In the end, it was pointless for us. In fact, recently, I collected over a five year period of time all gluten free products in our basement for food storage. When my husband got laid off, we lived from that storage. I personally noticed how much better I felt, so I have avoided wheat since that time frame. I discovered this year that whole wheat does not affect me as badly as the white enriched wheat flour which I am totally avoiding. If I do eat wheat, then I make sure it is quality stuff. My whole family has accepted my conversion to whole wheat nicely. I sparingly eat whole wheat. I think at some point I will get the Celiac disease test for myself to be certain. If I test positive, then I am willing to go GFCF completely. I will also test the kids, if I am positive.
It has been a gradual process.....but in the end, as we discovered things we improved our diet. I was not willing to just give up something in my diet unless I could actually prove there was a reason for giving it up. I am always researching the food industry because I see developments of things that should be healthy for you, turn out, not so healthy because the food industry is advertising it to be healthy and substituting unhealthy in their products to save a buck. I care about what I put into my body.
A L O T ...and so we did try different avenues to see if they had allergies. I had a good friend send me a book on lactose intolerance....and learned through reading that book, that I have it! LOL so, I did notice that the boys around age one, or their first birthday, after we introduced whole milk had some additional problems, so I started researching foods rich in calcium to add to our diet and we did soy milk for a season. I did notice that the autistic like traits were more pronounced when they had too much lactose in their system, so we did benefit from this new diet. My oldest, Grant, we noticed that after we discontinued milk, he started looking at us again, interacting with his brother a little more, and he stopped banging his head on the wall and having these episodes where he would go "white and clammy" and stiffen up all over....weird! He loves ice cream like the next kid, so we take the alternative of frozen yogurt. He does not know the difference. We had to find pizza with hard cheeses on it, instead of soft cheeses....for those times he craved to be like other kids and eat normal like foods. Now, my next child, he had like bronchitis and asthma issues constantly until we took it out of his diet...and it magically cleared up....and has not returned. Interesting! We permanently changed our eating habits after this discovery.
I did try a gluten free diet on them when they were younger or what they call casein free diet. I never saw any improvements. Gluten is very hard to avoid, so we had to be on this strict diet for months to see any real affect. In the end, it was pointless for us. In fact, recently, I collected over a five year period of time all gluten free products in our basement for food storage. When my husband got laid off, we lived from that storage. I personally noticed how much better I felt, so I have avoided wheat since that time frame. I discovered this year that whole wheat does not affect me as badly as the white enriched wheat flour which I am totally avoiding. If I do eat wheat, then I make sure it is quality stuff. My whole family has accepted my conversion to whole wheat nicely. I sparingly eat whole wheat. I think at some point I will get the Celiac disease test for myself to be certain. If I test positive, then I am willing to go GFCF completely. I will also test the kids, if I am positive.
It has been a gradual process.....but in the end, as we discovered things we improved our diet. I was not willing to just give up something in my diet unless I could actually prove there was a reason for giving it up. I am always researching the food industry because I see developments of things that should be healthy for you, turn out, not so healthy because the food industry is advertising it to be healthy and substituting unhealthy in their products to save a buck. I care about what I put into my body.
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